Wishing I could switch places

heart pic

It’s ❤ month guys. Before Lucy I heard this thought, “better wear red on Friday”.

Now I think, “who is suffering?”

I can’t live through the month of February and not re-live the journey that God has carried me through with a special little girl.

I feel “special” (sort of) that I have gotten to SEE, first hand – FEEL, (literally) and KNOW… that this isn’t “all there is”. That I am loved as I love my children and that God is REAL!

Here is a post from a year ago…

Making the decision to have a child – it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.-    Elizabeth Stone

 
One year ago today my first daughter – 8 year old Lucy, underwent open heart surgery. She needed  to have her heart repaired and altered again. This wasn’t the first time either, the original one took place when she was 5 months old.  The remodeling was needed because she had done so much growing and living in the years since her first major repair.
 
Lucy was born with a congenital heart defect called Tetralogy of fallot with double outlet, right ventricle.   I had never heard any of those words before until the day of diagnosis when she was 5 days old. As you can imagine, when you receive devastating news – your lives are forever changed. heart 3
 
The Dr’s. said she would struggle to eat and grow, that she may not make it through the first operation. They said that while waiting for surgery she may have brain damage as a result of such low blood oxygen levels. What he didn’t tell us is about all the love we would feel for her from the start. Or that God would  hold us physically close through the darkest times. In reality Lucy grew faster and bigger than most babies her length and age. She is smart and creative, and  she is knowing and kind beyond her years.
 
I’m sharing this because even though to revisit that time hurts some, I love to think back and remember all the prayers answered, love shown and pain that has passed.
I can’t remember the last time without thinking about the first time.

Going through this journey I learned how strong we are and Lucy taught me that we can make it through hard things and even smile and be joyful. During that time I looked deep into her eyes and saw a future and a hope. 
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Now I’m not gonna pretend to tell you that the last few years were especially hard or a piece of cake. To be honest, I think I blocked a lot of it out. Thankfully we have journals, scrapbooks and  lots of pictures that Lucy and Jim and I share when we want to look back.
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 Scripture verses have been a comfort and a rock for us to rely on. Here is a passage that is especially meaningful to us. I hope it encourages you too. 
Psalm 71
In You, O Lord, I put my trust;
Let me never be put to shame.
Deliver me in Your righteousness, and cause me to escape;
Incline Your ear to me, and save me.
Be my strong refuge,
To which I may resort continually;
You have given the commandment to save me,
For You are my rock and my fortress.

Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked,
Out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man.
For You are my hope, O Lord GOD;
You are my trust from my youth.
By You I have been upheld from birth;
You are He who took me out of my mother’s womb.
My praise shall be continually of You.

I have become as a wonder to many,
But You are my strong refuge.
Let my mouth be filled with Your praise
And with Your glory all the day.

Do not cast me off in the time of old age;
Do not forsake me when my strength fails.

 
Honestly, Amy
 
 
Lucy today
lucy
 

10 thoughts on “Wishing I could switch places

  1. I remember this time with Lucy. Boy, did we pray for her & your entire family. I also remember the spiritual, loving, strong family & church family that helped all of you down that path. My prayer for her is still constant. “May the light of God surround her, the power of God protect her, the presence of God watch over her, & the love of God enfold her. Wherever she is, God is, an she is safe.”
    Loved working the breakfast fund raiser with all of you.
    Love the “sisterslice”. :o)

  2. “What he didn’t tell us is about all the love we would feel for her from the start.”
    I was also surprised at how strong that bond was from the start with our little heart baby. We are somewhere in the middle – not quite breathing easy, but not in the hospital. She still has at least one major surgery ahead of her. It brings me so much hope to hear about Lucy. Thank you for sharing.
    -Nanette

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